Everything has consequences

Sometimes you do something so simple, so inconsequential that you don't really give it a second thought...but you really should.

Because that inconsequential thing can grow -- the tiny thing gets DNA of its own, the cell divides again and again, replicates, , develops bone, muscle and malice and soon it returns -- a ten foot tall monster that smashes everything out of its way in its haste to fuck up your life.

Yes, you can guess that I've recently has such a visitation and it's earth shattering stuff.

I said something wrong. Actually, I didn't so much as say something as lie. The lie was small, I thought inconsequential, but it was the flap of a butterfly's wing in the dense and swirling atmosphere of my own stupidity.

The thing is, the actual lie's contents don't matter so much -- it's the fact that the lie was told. I should have known better.

All lies are hungry things. They need feeding and maintaining, often with bigger and bigger lies. Just as I had clamped down on my shame and thought all had passed -- the truth was revealed and the whole thing laid bare. Deservedly so.

When it comes to the affairs of the heart men can be completely and irredeemably dimwitted. I'm no different, except I may more dimwitted than most. What an idiot. What an absolutely perfect shining example of Idiot of Man I am.

If you end up reading this (and you know full well who you are and I doubt you'll be here) then you know how sorry I am and that I never intended harm to you. Such a stupid thing to do, and such a massive and hurtful loss.

Everything has consequences. Everything.